Loving Others in Word

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0:00Well, good morning, everyone, and if you don't know me, my name is Joel, and I'm happy to be serving Christ and serving you all here as your pastor. It's great to be in the Lord's house today, to be gathered together. God's good. It's good to be in the Lord's presence as a refuge in these times that we're in, these difficult, intense times we are in, in our culture. It's not just this week. I think we have felt difficulty and tension in the culture that we live in for some time now.

0:39It's been this way for a while. You know, when Jesus was gathered with his closest friends in the Last Supper, there was a sense of foreboding in the air. They could feel danger around, and they could feel the tension, but they didn't feel the tension from Jesus. Jesus, in that room, the upper room, at that moment, he was in control. He was the authority. And with that authority, John 13, he got up from the table. He took off his robe. He dressed as a servant, and he washed their feet, including the feet of the man who would betray him.

1:28And when he was finished, he said something really important. A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this, all people will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another. That's how Jesus addressed the anxiety that the disciples felt, the pressure, the tension that they could feel. He served them, and he called them to serve and to love each other.

2:11In a hostile and a violent world, God calls his people to be different, to be a refuge for each other, and to show people, to show the world who are watching, the kind of community that they long for. The kind of community that they want.

2:36This is week two of a little four-week sermon series called Loving Each Other. Loving Each Other. Agape alelon. It's the same words that Jesus spoke in the upper room in John 13. Agape alelon. Love each other.

2:55Selfless love among believers. We're studying this to continue forming, by the grace and favor of God, a healthy church culture here at New Creation. A healthy church culture that's founded and shaped by how we treat each other. And we are studying this to obey what Jesus commanded, this new commandment that he gave. Love one another. This is how I want you to be distinctive people of God. To love each other. To serve each other. To follow the example that I've set for you, Jesus said.

3:30So in this four-week series, we're going to see the progression of agape love. Selfless love. Last week, we laid the foundation, loving others in thought. It starts with our minds, with our hearts, what's going on inside of us. Our internal disposition towards the other person. This week, we'll take the next step in agape love. So turn with me to Ephesians. Chapter four. I've picked four short passages from the so-called prison epistles, the prison letters of Jesus, of Paul.

4:10And we're going to study these together in these four weeks. This is Ephesians 4, 29 through 5, 2. This is the word of God for us. He wants to feed and nourish us, to strengthen us. Not just to give us information, but to form and shape us by the going forth of his word in power with his spirit. So let's have faith and let's approach God faithfully, expectantly, approach him in his word. Hear now the word of God. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion.

4:50That it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God and Christ forgave you. Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children and walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

5:35Pray with me. Lord Jesus, we come to you, the one who served and loved us before we served and loved you, or even served and loved other people. We're asking you, Lord, to form and shape us, us individually in this community. Give us what we need, Lord. Draw our eyes to you. Help us to see your great love for us. It's greater than we could even fathom. Shape us, Lord. Draw us to you. Encourage us today. In Jesus' name.

6:16Okay, last week was loving others in thought. This is loving others in word. God's people should speak to each other in agreement with God's purpose. No, no, that's not it. Let me read this one. Encouragement agrees with God's work in us and his love towards us. Encouragement agrees with God's work in us and his love towards us.

6:41Keep that up there for just a second for folks to write that down. People come to me from time to time and ask questions about the Bible, about theology, about Christian living. One of those questions that I've gotten a couple times is, Pastor, what do you think? Is it wrong for Christians to curse? And what they're really asking is, which four-letter words should I not say? Now, the Bible doesn't really address the contemporary four-letter words that our culture has labeled as vulgar words.

7:19It doesn't actually name those. But the Bible has a lot to say about a different type of vulgar language, a different type of foul speech. And that's insults and mockery and slander. This is the cursing that God is really concerned about.

7:44So when I've gotten that question, I've tried to redirect people. You know, there's a conversation to be had there about four-letter words. But let's talk about what the Bible actually majors on here. The ways that we talk to each other. This is the cursing that God is really concerned about because words have impact. Words have impact.

8:08Anybody here ever owned a bird as a pet? Raise your hand. A couple folks. So you know that you've probably seen videos. Parrots and other birds, they've got this crazy ability to be able to sound like us. It's really very odd, actually.

8:30It's pretty remarkable that they can adapt and adopt the inflection of our voice, the phonics of our speech, our expressions, even to convey something that sounds like emotion. That's how good of a mimic they are. But they aren't really communicating with us. I mean, not really. They're not communicating to us like we communicate with each other. They're not conveying their own thoughts. They're just mimicking. They're literally mimicking sounds.

9:01But when we speak, it's different. It is different. Because God made us in His image. We're made in God's image. He created by speaking. He formed the universe by His word, the word of His power. He commanded by speaking. He told Adam and Eve what His will was, what their responsibility was. And after they disobeyed, He called them out of hiding by speaking. God's word has power, and we are made with the ability to speak and communicate. Just like God's speech is inherently powerful, our speech is inherently powerful.

9:42A child is named by the spoken word of his or her parents. You speak it into the air, and so it is. That child has a name. We use words to take vows and make promises. Right? If a man practices integrity towards those promises, we call him what? A man of His word. A man of His word. Not a man of His signature.

10:12With words, judges pronounce verdicts, and commanders declare victories, and those things are real because they have been declared so. The power of words, therefore, gives them impact on other people. You can't avoid it. It's unavoidable. And that is where the problem begins, because in our sin, we use that power selfishly to elevate ourselves and to put others down. Verse 31 describes an all-too-familiar progression of harmful speech.

10:51Stop me if you recognize this. Actually, don't, but you'll recognize it. I've got to keep going. Verse 31, it starts with bitterness. Words that we mutter under our breath or behind someone's back. Unresolved grievances. Ways that we aren't being gracious. And eventually, you know, eventually those things will come out sideways with a little comment, a snide response. Soon, bitterness festers into wrath and anger. These two words include the whole spectrum, both the sudden outbursts of insult and the carefully planned cutting remark, the thing you've been rehearsing for just the right moment to say.

11:41Whichever one it is, things usually escalate into clamor. Shouting, raised voices. There's a reason why people don't shout, I love you. There's an incongruity there between the sentiment and the mode of expression.

12:00Even in texting, right? All caps is like, you just kind of like recoil from your phone. Stop shouting at me, we say. At this point, there's often going to be some slander. I don't know anyone who is 100% truthful in these moments. By the time you've gotten to this moment, you start exaggerating to make your point. You always do this. You never do this. This is slander. This is accusing their intent. This is trashing their character.

12:39This progression is familiar, right? And God tells us to put it away. Put all of it away. Because it destroys our fellowship in the Lord. Verse 29 calls this corrupting talk. The word corrupting is sapros in the Greek. And it means spoiled. Putrid. In Matthew 7, this word describes rotten fruit that comes from a diseased tree. The same word. We all open up our fridge sometimes, and we see the thing in the back that we have forgotten about. The partial head of lettuce from three months ago.

13:21The half-eaten tomato in a Tupperware from six months ago. I'm not speaking from experience or anything. You know what happens next. You just are like, ugh. And you don't even want to deal with it. But you know you have to. So you get it out of there, right? You deal with the smell, with the slime. But it's not really an indication of your fridge, right? That's unfortunate to find those things in your fridge. But imagine driving by a farm and seeing a roadside produce stand.

13:57And saying, oh, let's stop and get something. This will be nice. Nice watermelon, some fresh tomatoes. You pull over, you walk up, you've got your money out, and you see the same rotten food that's been in the back of your fridge. You would be shocked, right? You'd never come back there. This is a farm. This is where the fresh stuff is supposed to come from. It's supposed to be the freshest right here. This should never be. And so it is with us. So it is with you and me.

14:37Your words are supposed to be fresh, life-giving, like a roadside stand offering fresh tomatoes, the best tomatoes. Not the stuff in the back of your fridge.

14:51Your words are supposed to be life-giving, not the putrid stuff that verse 31 describes. That stuff is the foul language that we should be concerned with. And God is concerned with it too. One third of the book of Proverbs is about communication.

15:13That's a lot. And the book of James says what we all know. It's wrong. It's inappropriate. It is obscene for the same mouths that bless God to curse other people. Even in small ways. And I bet each one of us has a vivid memory of cruel words that just cut like a knife. That maybe you still think about from time to time. Boy, they hurt. But foul language doesn't just grieve us. This talk among Christians grieves the Holy Spirit, the passage says. It offends him.

15:51It insults him. Why? Because this corrupting talk opposes his work. It's not just the same grief that you feel when you pull out that gross head of lettuce from the back of your fridge. This is way more significant than that. Because corrupting talk opposes the work that he is doing. The Holy Spirit is the general contractor of a great construction project. To build us up. We are stones. Living stones that he is shaping and forming and putting together.

16:28Making it into a beautiful structure. The house of the Lord. That is us. The house of the Lord. Corrupting talk, therefore, is self-vandalization. It's vandalizing. It's spray painting that building. It's kicking over walls. It's putting down dynamite. And the spirit is not pleased about it.

16:56Imagine at the end of the summer, a mom takes her two kids to the beach for one last day before school starts. Two little kids. And they go out. And mom is with the younger sibling. The younger of the two. Making a sandcastle. And they're making good progress. But then older sibling looks up from what they're doing and sees mom and little sibling playing. And this feeling of jealousy rises up. And in a fit of jealousy goes over and knocks over that sandcastle.

17:32Well, of course the little one is going to be upset, right? But the mom is grieved too, right? She's grieved by that. And it's not the loss of work per se. She can easily rebuild that sandcastle. She was doing most of the work anyway. She can easily rebuild it. She's grieved about the hurt and the discord between her children.

18:02Church, we are together God's building. He is doing this work in us. And so all corrupting talk, rotten words, foul language, it all must be put away from us. We must take this very seriously. It should not come out of our mouths. But here's the thing. This is not a command to be silent. We're not monks with a very unhelpful vow of silence, right? When monks were in monasteries, I wonder, when they read this passage, the command for talk to build up, how did they read that?

18:41How did they understand that if they were in a vow of silence? You're literally telling them not to do something that the Bible tells them to do. So I'm not telling you to be silent. I'm telling you to have different words. The Bible, God is calling us to have different words. We're called to use the power of our words to encourage each other. So let's talk about words of encouragement.

19:05Last week, we summarized loving each other in thought using one word, graciousness. It was one word that I tried to stretch as far as it could go around a lot of different concepts and ideas. I'm going to do that today also with encouragement. I'm going to try to stretch it and wrap it around a whole bunch of different things. When we hear encouragement, we think about a pat on the back, a compliment. Go get them. You can do it. We think about encouragement that way.

19:35Those things are fine. Totally fine. But in the Bible, encouragement has got a deep, deep meaning, a very strong meaning. But before I get into this, I just want to say this. Let me be clear. Not every word we use with each other needs to meet what I'm going to describe to you as biblical encouragement. There is room among us for small talk and banter. I am not anti-small talk and banter. I'm very pro-small talk and banter. Because here's why. That's the inherent way in which we build relationships with each other.

20:12Small talk and banter is like first and second gear. If you're driving a stick shift, it's like first and second gear. It helps you get moving in the relationship. But you can't go the distance in second gear. Right? To go the distance, you've got to get into a higher gear. If you're going to get on the road, if you're going to go on a road trip, you've got to get up to third, fourth, fifth gear. That's where you go the distance. And that's what biblical encouragement is.

20:45It's the higher gear for how Christians speak to each other and love each other in word. Okay? So, first and second gear, fine. Keep doing it. Aim for third, fourth, and fifth. Work your way up to biblical encouragement. This is a call to our potential because encouragement is a sacred act that we can all do. You can do it. I can do it. We can all do it. And I chose this passage because it succinctly describes so many aspects of encouraging words.

21:18All in verse 29. So, look there in your bulletin with me. First encouragement is this. It is intended to help. Good for building up, the passage says. Good for building up. Whenever we're in a conversation, we have a choice to make. Am I in this for myself or for the other person? Who am I here to serve in this conversation? Myself or the other person? If I went to visit a friend, he invited me over, and I walk into his kitchen, and what I see is water on the floor, tools strewn about, and my friend under the sink.

22:06And he says from under there, hey, I'm sorry, I just found a cracked pipe under my sink. And I say, hey, no problem. And I walk over to the fridge, and I'm like, you got anything to eat?

22:22It's pretty clear who I'm there to serve, right? There was an opportunity right in front of me, and I said, where's my sandwich? Our natural tendency is to go into a conversation trying to get something out of it for ourselves.

22:42To try to build ourselves up. The call here is to look to the other person to make a decision. In this conversation, I'm here to serve. This is going to be an agape moment. I'm going to intend to help. Agape is selfless love. It's being there to build up with words that are constructive.

23:06That's the first step of encouragement. But encouragement is also aware of the need. It fits the occasion. The word there in Greek, every other time in the Bible that I could find, it was translated need. To encourage, you have to try to understand the other person's need. In that time, in that moment. What is God doing right now? What's happening right now in this person's life? I remember helping my dad with projects when I was a kid. Even on into adulthood.

23:46And at first, my only goal was to go get him things. When he asked for it. To know what he was talking about, right? When he would describe a tool, to be able to go to the toolbox. And know what the right tool was. And to bring it back to him. If I could do that, I thought I was doing great. But I felt so proud when I got to the point where I could watch what he was doing. And I could see what he was putting together. And I could anticipate, oh, he's going to need this tool next.

24:25And I would go over and I would get it. And it would be in my hand. Right when he would say, hey Joel, can you go get me this? I'd be like, here you go. He'd say, oh, okay, great. I felt so proud when I could see what it was he was doing. And I could anticipate and go get it. And be right there ready to give it to him. That is encouragement. But you have to watch what your father's doing. You have to pay attention to it. If I was over watching TV and he asked me to get something, I'd never be prepared for that moment.

25:02I'm there with him. Watching what he's doing. Listening. Knowing what is needed and being ready to offer it. Timing is critical. Timing is critical. What is the situation that's at hand? What's the person going through? What's happening in this moment right now? You also have to know your audience. What has God been doing in their life? Who is this person? What are some things that they're hoping for?

25:34Understanding who they are and what is happening in the moment helps you know exactly what should be offered at that moment. Is it sympathy? Or is it exhortation? Is it excitement? Or is it warning? Is it prayer? Or is it advice? How will you know if you don't watch what your father is doing? And get acquainted with the need and be aware of it. But once you do and you can. This is not too great for you. If I can learn to do it, anyone can. And I'm still learning.

26:13We are all learning. God can help us. Right? We think it's inscrutable. I couldn't possibly. Yes, you could. I know you can because I see it all the time in you. When you watch your father work and you come alongside it and you offer exactly what's needed in that moment, I see it. I see it in you. Keep going. This is what God has for us. We need wisdom. So ask often for wisdom from God. He will give it to you to help you offer what is needed. Because none of us wants to offer the wrong thing in the wrong moment.

26:51We know how that goes. We know how that feels. Right? But encouragement is aware of the need. And we're aware of the need by watching our father work and understanding the moment. But also encouraging words convey gospel truth. You could have everything else, but if it's not this, it's not encouragement. This means the help is primarily re-centering someone on Jesus' work, His past work, His present work, His future work. It's re-centering them on that.

27:28That's what the passage means when it says that our words should give grace to those who hear. Encouragement brings us back to Him instead of ourselves. All of us struggle with our identity. We wonder, what is it that makes me significant? What is it? And we start looking around at the roles in our life, the people in our life, the abilities we have. What we need to hear from each other is, you're significant because you belong to Jesus. You matter and you're valuable because He says so.

28:08Your significance is not because you're a parent or because you're a student or because you're a leader or because you got that trophy on the soccer field. Your significance comes from what your Lord and Savior says about you. You are my beloved child.

28:23Another place that we look for assurance is our resume, our good deeds. And if we're honest, it never looks as good as we hope. Encouragement is to hear, put your assurance in His work, His finished work on the cross, His ongoing work in you. He is not finished with you. He is still at work.

28:52Everyone wants to have an impact. But many people wonder if they missed the assignment. Was I absent that day when God handed out the assignments? Or they think that they're damaged goods, that God has no use for them.

29:10If that's you, you need to hear the encouragement, meant not that you don't need to hear anything else other than God has made you specifically and set you apart in Christ Jesus and sanctified you and He has a role for you in His kingdom. The body has many parts and you are one of them and all of them are needed. When someone's feeling worthless, like they have no role, they've got to hear that. I've got to hear that. You've got to hear that. You've got to hear that your labor is not in vain.

29:47If you're trying and you see no fruit from what God is calling you towards, your labor is not in vain. Keep going in the Lord. It's not based upon what you can see. It's based on the power of God and that's real and that's true. Rest in that, not in what your eyes can see. And when a brother or sister, when their world is reeling, when they're feeling anxious and fearful, when they're struggling to hope, they need to hear the promises of God for them in Jesus Christ.

30:22That He has prepared for you a hope. That He is not done with you. That though the world crumbles around you, though your own private world is struggling and you can't seem to get a win, Jesus has won. And that victory is yours.

30:43That's encouragement. This is the fifth gear. If there were more gears in this car, there would be more. Because there's no telling how high it can go.

30:57That's our conversation together, biblical encouragement. And in order to do that, in order to do these things, what is there for us? How can we go into conversations looking to serve? Well, you have to be served. In order for you to have something to offer to other people, we have to listen to the words from our Father. We have to listen to what God is saying to us. To be directed away from corrupting talk and to be filled up with words that encourage.

31:27Listen to how God has spoken to us. Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets. But in these last days, He has spoken to us by His Son.

31:43Jesus is the preeminent Word of God to us. The Word of God that was made flesh, that dwelt among us. And when Jesus came along, He said, I speak just as the Father taught me. He comes with the Father's words. God speaks peace in Jesus Christ. He speaks reconciliation through Jesus Christ. He speaks life in Jesus. And all those who put their faith in Him, including you and me, they hear these words spoken to them. God in Christ forgave you.

32:22But God wasn't finished speaking. He went on because He has more to say. He poured out His Spirit upon us, the Spirit by whom you were sealed. And this Spirit is a speaking Spirit. Speaking within you and me, the Spirit Himself bears witness with our Spirit that we are children of God. And if children, then heirs. Heirs of an inheritance that we will receive at the day of redemption.

32:51So the Spirit, the Father, the Son, they're all speaking in unison. They're calling us beloved children. See what kind of love the Father has given to us that we should be called children of God. And so we are.

33:09If you've put your faith in Christ, these are the words of your Father to you. These are the words that the Spirit is welling up inside of you. And so, beloved children, be imitators of Him. Be like your father.

33:27I don't know what kind of father you had, whether you want to imitate Him a whole lot or very little. I definitely want to be the kind of dad that my daughters can say I want to be like Him. But I know that I fall short. I know that especially right now because they're learning to drive.

33:51And while I'm driving, my loving wife speaks the truth and says, girls, you see what your dad just did? Don't do that. Don't imitate Him. Human fathers, you know, there are so many times that we all do or say something that our children should not imitate.

34:19And that's to our shame but God's helping us. But beloved brothers and sisters in Christ, we have a Father in Heaven that we can always and we should always imitate. 100% of the time. Imitate Him. When your earthly father falls short and He will, imitate Him. Imitate the one who walked in love and then walk in love towards each other. Speak like He speaks to us. Build up, give grace, love each other in word. That's our calling in Christ Jesus. We're empowered for this work by the Holy Spirit.