Be Wise About Sex

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0:00Welcome to New Creation and welcome back to the sermon series on Proverbs, Proverbs 1-9. We have been in this, we started this before Easter, about seven weeks before Easter. Kind of had a run there of six or seven sermons. Had a little, we had a halftime for Palm Sunday, Easter, and then like a post-Easter, another post-Easter sermon. And now we're back. Let me just refresh your memory. But chapters 1-9 is like an extended introduction to the book of Proverbs.

0:36The kind of, the Proverbs that we know and love, the kind of two-line, bite-sized things start at Proverbs 10. But everything before that is kind of thematic, setting the theme for the book. It's like an introduction. Before Palm Sunday, we finished chapters 1-4. And those gave us big principles about wisdom, broad brushstrokes about biblical wisdom. In the second half, we're going into more detail. The author, in the providence and the wisdom of God, who inspired this author, the author zooms in on important facets of life in Proverbs 5, 6, 7, and 8.

1:21It gets into specifics before there's a kind of a conclusion in 9. So we're going to get into specifics now. So, like a lot of Generation X, when I got out of school, I would come home to an empty house and would be alone for hours. I would get off the bus, I'd walk home, I'd get a key from under the mat, let myself in, and my parents would be home like two or three hours later. That's two or three hours with no authority figure, a very low average amount of wisdom in the household.

2:12Sometimes by myself, sometimes with friends. Either way, sometimes it led to mischief and foolishness in the afternoons before my parents got home. One afternoon, when I was about 13 or so, I got home and I was bored. So I went out to the backyard and did something that I liked to do at the time, play with fire.

2:41I won't tell you how I was playing with fire. I don't want to lead anyone astray here. But it was dangerous. It was dangerous and stupid. I thought I understood the danger. I thought I knew what I was doing. But long story short, the fire that I started intentionally started spreading.

3:09It must have been mid-fall because I remember the leaves on the ground and how quickly they caught fire. And our backyard was smaller than the size of this room, maybe about the size of the chairs here. And very quickly, over half of it was in flames.

3:35In a panic, I got out the hose and started spraying, fighting the fire by myself. Of course, didn't call 911. Another foolish thing to do. Somehow, by the grace of God, I managed to get it put out before it caught the fence or the trees or the house on fire, all of which were very close.

4:01Then I looked at the clock. Kids, you know what I'm thinking now. My parents are going to be home soon. So then I quickly got to work in a different way, covering up what I had done. Taking any remaining leaves and raking them to look like the ground was just fine, that nothing had happened. I managed to do that too. And I still don't know if my parents know that this happened. Now listen, that's a 100% true story. But it could be a parable. It could be a parable about the experience of sexual sin.

4:57Because for me and for other people, the experience of sexual sin has a lot of the same elements. Curiosity without maturity. Desire without understanding. Things getting out of control.

5:23Causing harm and damage. And then a frantic cover-up effort. I've heard it said, this is not my analogy, but it's a great one. I can't give credit to where it's due because I don't even know where it came from. But I've heard it said that sex is like fire. It's powerful and it's good. As long as it is where it is intended to be.

5:53A fire in a fireplace warms the house. A fire outside the fireplace burns the house down. And if that's all you take away today, that's enough. Yes, this is going to be a sermon about sex.

6:15Today in Proverbs 5. My wife's excited about that. I'm glad. Today in Proverbs 5, we are given wisdom about sex. Scripture is not bashful about talking about sex. About this subject. Especially not this chapter. This chapter is not bashful at all. Here, God is the thoughtful, intentional parent bringing up an important subject. And our goal, ladies and gentlemen, men and women, boys and girls, everyone in the room, our goal is to not be the kid shifting in our seats saying, can we go now?

7:01Can we be done talking about this? Let's try not to be that kind of kid listening to our father. Because listen, our father, our maker is determined to help us despite our resistance. He's determined to help us with a very important subject. He understands human sexuality because he created human sexuality. He knows how it can go wrong and he knows how it ought to be. And we need to listen because the world is also talking to us, right? And when the world talks to us about sex, funny how we don't tend to squirm in our seats and want to go someplace else.

7:48We listen to the lies. So we need to listen to our father. So let's listen to him. Let's hear God speak to us now. In his holy word. Proverbs 5, the whole chapter. Let's hear and receive. The word of God, the word of our loving father, as he comes to us with his wisdom.

8:21My son, be attentive to my wisdom. Incline your ear to my understanding that you may keep discretion and your lips may guard knowledge. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey. And her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two edged sword. Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life. Her ways wander and she does not know it. And now, oh, sons, listen to me.

8:57Do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her. Do not go near to the door of her house. Lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless. Lest strangers take their fill of your strength and your labors go to the house of a foreigner. And at the end of your life, you groan when your flesh and your body are consumed and you say how I hated discipline and my heart despised reproof. I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors.

9:34I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation. Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely dear, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight. Be intoxicated always in her love.

10:11Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? For a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord and he ponders all his paths. The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. He dies for lack of discipline. And because of his great folly, he is led astray.

10:38Pray with me. Lord God, thank you for your word, for all of it. Thank you for this word to us today. And we know that it is timely. It comes to each one of us at our point of need. As does your grace, your mercy and your power to change us. So unstop our ears, Lord, help us to listen and receive. To be changed by you, Holy Spirit. To come under your influence, to yield all of ourselves, including our sexuality, to you. And follow your paths for our good and for your glory.

11:22We pray this, Jesus, in your name. Be wise about sex. This passage starts in a way that's getting familiar by now. My son, be attentive to my wisdom. Based on the author here, this is a dad saying, son, we need to talk. And not just a talk, the talk.

12:00But this is not a talk about how sex works. This is a talk about the danger of sexual sin and the design of God for sex. We think sometimes, maybe you do, I sometimes do, get this misconception that in the ancient Near East, they were very, very prudish compared to our society. But this parent is speaking more thoroughly and more honestly about sex than many of us would be inclined to.

12:35And it's not a one-time conversation. Did you notice in verse 7, he brings up the topic again with a bigger group? It goes from my son in verse 1 to my sons in verse 7. He also brings up the topic again in chapter 6 and in chapter 7. So he's bringing up the conversation over and over again. We're going to just jump right into an application here. Parents, follow this example. Follow this example. Talk to your kids about sex. More than once. Don't just talk about where babies come from.

13:21Cover that and more. Cover the topics in these chapters in 5, 6, 7. There's a lot to say. There's a lot to understand. And there's more and more and more as a young person grows older. Listen, you wouldn't hand a kid a pocket knife or a BB gun or a power tool. Without a lot of careful instruction, right? Many, many careful instructions. Are you listening?

13:51Sex is way more powerful than a pocket knife or a BB gun or a power tool. If you would take that kind of care with those things, take the care here. He starts off talking about danger. The danger of sexual sin. There's a character mentioned in verse 3, a forbidden woman. Now listen, don't get hung up or focus too much on the gender here. This is a character. This is a dad talking to his son. So he frames it in a feminine gender. But the author is not talking about...

14:24There's also forbidden men. Okay? There's forbidden women and men. The author is not talking about certain types of people. This character represents the temptation to any kind of sexual sin.

14:41In college, I took a religious studies class. I went to VCU. And a religious studies class at a school like VCU is a religious unstudied class, basically. Because they're trying to get religious people, especially Christians, to leave the faith. And after class, the professor said to me, quite confidently and with a straight face, Well, you know, Joel, Jesus had no sexual ethic. And even I, as a dopey college kid, was like, Well, that can't be true.

15:14Jesus said everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If you can't even look at someone with those desires, how can you justify acting on those desires? So, of course, Jesus had a sexual ethic. Jesus also affirmed that the two shall become one flesh. That that act is for when a man leaves his father and mother and holds fast to his wife. Holds fast to his wife, not to his girlfriend.

15:46So, even if we just restrict it and reduce it to Jesus' teaching, we have the sexual ethic of the Bible. It prohibits sex outside of marriage, sex before marriage, and even unchecked sexual thoughts. Those are all sexual sin.

16:09Hookups, adultery, sex in a committed but unmarried relationship, going to a strip club, viewing pornography or explicit media, undressing someone with your eyes. All of this is what is represented by the forbidden woman. All of it.

16:32All of this sexual sin. And the father is saying, Son, get ready. Get ready for the temptation. Because it's coming to you. And to get the children that he's talking to ready, he opens up the storehouse of wisdom that God has given him. And he gives them these three truths. I'm going to reduce it down to three truths here for this section. Here's the first one. The father says, Son, things are not what they seem.

17:08My first car was a used Audi that my parents bought. It looked great. It was used, but it looked great. We took it into its first service, and the mechanic said, Look, I've got to tell you, this car hasn't had oil in it for a long time. This engine has got another thousand miles tops. It looked great, but it was a lemon.

17:35The appeal of sexual sin drifts honey, verse 3 says. But it's actually bitter as wormwood. Wormwood would literally poison someone, make them blind. The pleasure seems smoother than oil. But it's actually sharp, sharp as a two-edged sword. And it will cut you deep. Hooking up, looking at porn, are appealing.

18:11They might feel good in the moment, but they are damaging you. That's what the father is saying. You can't even feel it yet. That's how subtle the cut is.

18:24But you're cutting yourself. You're bleeding yourself. You're harming yourself. Physically and spiritually. Like the saying goes, Satan shows the bait, but hides the hook.

18:42Satan shows the bait, but hides the hook. And speaking of hook, here's the second truth that the father says. You are a target. You are a target. If you go to a casino, not that I'm recommending this, but if you go to a casino, the flashing lights, the fancy decor, the fun-looking games, the well-dressed people running those games, it is all designed with one purpose. To separate your money from you.

19:23You are not a customer in a casino. You are a target. That is all the people that are working there and running that place are thinking of. There's a sucker. Let me go take the money that he has, that she has. The same is true for sexual sin. Look at verses 9 and 10.

19:50Lest you give your honors to others and your years to the merciless. Strangers take their fill of your strength and your labors go to the house of a foreigner. Listen, if someone is saying to you, let's go to bed. But hasn't taken a vow to care for you in sickness and in health till death do you part. Then they want, by definition, they want more from you than they are willing to give you. And you're a target.

20:21You might say, but no, no, no. He, he told me he loves me. She says that she's mine forever. And you know what God says to that? I have a way to say those things. It's called the covenant of marriage. That's how you declare those things.

20:40Not in the backseat of a car or on the couch in the rec room of your parents' house. That's not where you say, I promise I'll love you forever. No. You say those things before God and witnesses in the covenant of marriage. If you have sex without that and then break up and now, now you know that what that person wanted from you was pleasure, not you. They didn't want you, you, yourself, to have and to hold. They wanted the pleasure that you could give them.

21:23A stranger has taken the fill of your strength. Your honor has been given to others. And all of this is even more true regarding lust and pornography. Verse nine warns of giving your years to the merciless. The porn industry is merciless for those watching, for those, quote unquote, quote, performing. Merciless. Don't fall for it. This is slavery. And God has made you for freedom. For freedom, people of God. Don't be enslaved. Don't be a target.

22:11And here's the third truth. It always ends the same. It always ends the same. The great lie of the sexual evolution of the 1960s is that life is found in sex. And therefore, there should be no boundaries or social mores. None. And the results since then have proved how wrong that is.

22:37Verse six tells us why. She, the forbidden woman, this symbolic character here, she does not ponder the path of life. Her ways wander and she does not know it. Sexual temptation is literally promising something to you that, that it knows nothing about. It's promising you life. And it doesn't even know what life is.

23:03And in fact, the road only leads to a cliff. And the father is saying, son, get out of the car. Do you see where it's going? Keep your way far. Don't go near. Don't dabble in it. Don't rely on willpower. Don't say, oh, our relationship is special. Don't say, I know what I'm doing. I can stop looking at this at any time. Don't go near.

23:34A person who keeps going will be saying, like in verse 14, I am at the brink of utter ruin. Because it always ends the same. But now listen. Listen to me, church. Let me bring the gospel into this right now. Here is the good news. Being at the brink means that you can still turn around. If there is any good news to be found that being at the brink of utter ruin, it's that you're not in utter ruin yet. You can still turn around.

24:16Utter ruin hasn't come yet. Listen, if you have sinned sexually, repent. Return. Call out for God's forgiveness and God's rescue. Think of the younger brother in Jesus's parable who left home and spent his inheritance partying. One day he woke up and he wised up and he came back home. He didn't know how his father would respond. The father already knew. The father knew, I know exactly what I'm going to do when he comes. The father received him, ran to him, embraced him, forgave him, restored him in the household.

25:09They say that when it comes to smoking cigarettes, no matter how long you've been doing it, it's always beneficial to your health to quit. But the same is true for sexual sin. I don't care how deep you're in. You can still turn around.

25:30And let me just say, if you don't know who to call out to and get help in this, a human being to come alongside you as you try to turn around, call me.

25:44There's plenty of people here who would love to help you. If you can't think of one, call me. Let me get in the car with you and turn that thing around.

26:00Don't say it's too late. Don't say, why bother? Pastor, I'm in too deep. I know many, many people who have repented and sought change, who have recovered. If there's breath in your lungs, it's not too late. Turn around. Come back to the Father. Leave it behind.

26:27Paul wrote to the church in Corinth and he said, Corinthians, remember this, the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God. And he includes in the list that he gives the sexually immoral. But then he says five amazing words. And such were some of you.

26:48That's six words. It's still amazing. And such were some of you. Isn't that amazing? He doesn't say the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God, including this and this and this and this and this. And so half of y'all better leave the room right now. He says, such were some of you. But you were washed. You were sanctified. You were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the spirit of our God. Isn't that good news? Even for sexual sinners, which is a sin that feels so shameful.

27:31A rock that we can never get off of our shoulders. Yes, you can. God can rescue and redeem you. Such were some of you. Come to Jesus, sexual sinners. Repent and be washed and sanctified in his mercy.

27:57Now, listen, I. That is such good news. I'm tempted to just. Just leave the rest for next week, but I'm going to keep going because the rest is really good, too. The parent speaking in Proverbs five gives more than just warnings. Also gives us direction towards the positive vision of how sex is to be enjoyed. Starting in verse 15, we read of God's design for sex.

28:29People think that Christians are anti anti sex, but it really depends on who, you know, and who you talk to. One thing's for sure. The Bible certainly isn't anti sex. This chapter is pro sex, and it's pretty explicit at that.

28:49This is the part of the chapter that might make you blessed, especially if you're reading it with your parents or your kids. By the way, I'm really looking forward to asking a lot of you, hey, what kind of conversations have you had in your household after the sermon this week? Boy, I can't wait to ask that question. I'm going to I'm going to ask it for the record. If you read something in verses 15 and on and you think, is he talking about? Mom, then I can assure you, yes, he is talking about that.

29:30Kids, if you don't know what I'm talking about, ask your parents. Mom, dad, what does it mean here when it says this? Go ahead and ask your parents that you have your pastor's blessing to ask that question. And parents, you have your pastor's exhortation, firm exhortation to answer them honestly. This is full of double entendres, and some of them aren't too subtle.

30:00Here's the big picture for this section. God designed sex. He made us with sexual capability and desire. And so, of course, he designed a context for us to act on those capabilities and desires. And that context is marriage. If sex is like a fire, then marriage is the fireplace. Marriage is where sex should be because marriage is a covenant. It's a relationship undergirded by promises, vows to cherish and protect and serve and love one another. This is the setting where intimacy and vulnerability can thrive, where both share the mutual goal of being fully known and fully loved.

30:53And sex is the capstone of covenant love. So the first direction here, starting in verse 15, is about restraint. Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Having a cistern or a well was a huge blessing in the ancient Near East, and so is having a covenant spouse. This is the place to direct your sexual desire and nowhere else.

31:29Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Water was too precious to be wasted like that, and so is your sexuality. Instead, let your springs be for yourself alone and not for strangers. Why does he say for yourself and not for your spouse? Because in marriage, the two have become one flesh.

31:57Now, you might have expected the Bible to talk about sexual boundaries, but wait, there's more. And after this comes the spicy part. Sex is a fire and marriage is a fireplace, and the author says, get that fire roaring and enjoy it. Enjoy it. Let your fountain be blessed. This is God pronouncing a blessing on your marital sex life, and it's followed by other positive exhortations. This is a clear call to enjoy yourselves in the bedroom.

32:40He doesn't even try to hide things with a metaphor at points. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight. This passage commends getting drunk in lovemaking. Be intoxicated in her love.

32:58Have your fill and more. Go overboard. I see someone back there fanning herself. Is it getting hot in here? But don't just enjoy the sex. Enjoy the person that you're having sex with. Rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely dear, a graceful doe. It's not only physical pleasure. It is an emotional and spiritual pleasure as well.

33:32Hallelujah, indeed. It's a shared experience. It's a covenant renewal ceremony that is good and good for you. Oh, the seekers and explorers are back. That's great.

33:47Exactly. Listen up, kids. This is the biblical teaching on human sexuality. I don't know what you have heard or what you think Christians believe about sex. What you've heard from another Christian, it may be right, it may be wrong. But listen, this is the biblical teaching on human sexuality. It's not sex is dirty and shameful. It is not sex is only for reproduction. And don't don't enjoy yourself too much when you're doing it. It's not that either.

34:27Those are misunderstandings people have about what the Bible says about sex and what Christians believe. But they aren't true. God's design for sex is both restrictive and permissive. Both. It is avoidance outside of marriage and it is exuberance within it. It is firm boundaries and it's deep to light. It's all of those things. As another person has said, you don't put fences around weeds. You put fences around gardens to protect the fruit so that you can enjoy it.

35:15Proverbs 5 is here to show us the design of sex, its inherent power and its goodness. But remember, remember, the Proverbs only give us general principles. OK, there are many things that can make marital sex difficult. Stress. Physical handicaps. Conflict. Hormone changes. We shouldn't gloss over those issues. OK, and this chapter is not a one size fits all solution. But I hope that it does motivate you to work together. And maybe with the help of a counselor or a doctor at the issues that are impacting your sex life.

36:03It's worth it. And your marriage will be better for it. Let your fountain be blessed, God says. And for those who are single or if something and if you're if you're married and something has made marital sex impossible right now, I want you to hear this. Rely on the Lord, your strength. He will help you stay sexually pure in this time of celibacy, however long it lasts. Our culture says that you aren't fully human without expressing yourself sexually.

36:41But that is a lie. Why Jesus didn't express himself sexually and he was the most fully human that ever lived. OK, here's my conclusion here. Really short. We talked about danger, design. I don't want to talk to you about devotion. This is very brief. God gives us this wisdom about sexuality for a reason, for a number of reasons, actually. But one of them is to teach us about devotion. This teaching about human sexuality, its danger, its design, it teaches us about devotion, ours for him and him for us.

37:32Marriage itself is a parable. It's a model of our relationship with God. Ephesians 5 tells us that. So it's no surprise that the biblical sexual ethic, not giving yourself to others, but rather giving yourself joyfully and completely to the one that you're united to. That's analogous to how we're called to love God. We're called not to worship anyone but him and not an iota, not an ounce. And we are called to worship him with a fervency and a passion and a love.

38:05Give yourself to Jesus in repentance and faith if you haven't already done that. And when you do, you will see that God relates to us as a loving and doting husband.

38:21Ezekiel 16.8 says this. When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love. And I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord God. And you became mine.

38:45This is why Jesus calls himself the bridegroom. He saw us in our need and our helplessness and with his death in our place, he spread his garment over us in love. He covered us in his righteousness. He made vows that he would never leave us or forsake us, that he would bring us to be with him. He made a covenant with us and pledged himself to us and he will never break that covenant.

39:21And Revelation tells us, we heard it earlier, that someday we, his people, will be presented to him together as a bribe. Made holy by his justifying and sanctifying work. Clothed in beautiful garments of righteousness and good deeds given by him. And in that eternal place, the celebration is a wedding feast. Blessed are all of those invited to the wedding feast.

39:53That's the fulfillment of God's promises of steadfast love. And that is your future if you belong to Jesus by faith. Just like human marriage, sex is momentary. It's for this age, it's for this life. And it's there not just for the continuation of the species. It's there to help us understand the true meaning of devotion. God has given us the sexual ethic, not randomly, but thoughtfully, deliberately, so that we understand how, how we should relate to him and how he already relates to us in Christ.

40:34Thank you for that интересно. We thank Jesus.