Be Wise About Friendship

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0:00So my name is Joel, in case I didn't say that earlier, I'm happy to be serving you all and serving Christ here at New Creation as your pastor, and I'm happy to be in the Word of God with you today. We are continuing with our sermon series in Proverbs, we're towards the end here of our Proverbs 1-9 sermon series. I want to talk about, today's about friendship. I'm really grateful for the friends God has given me in my life, very grateful, I hope you are too.

0:34I was at a wedding recently, Nicky and I, Cadence was still traveling, but Nicky and I and Bree were there, and Nicky and I saw some really good long-term friends that we had not seen in a long time, and it was really great to reconnect with them. And I'm blessed to have great friends in my life, but it hasn't always been that way. There was a time in early high school where I dreaded lunch because I had no one to sit with. I don't know if some of you all have been there.

1:10I appreciate that. So I'm not the only one, and if you're there and you're a kid or an adult, then I've been there too. It's not an exaggeration to say that in that phase I didn't have any friends. Now, there's something worse though than having no friends, and that's having bad friends. And I don't mean friends that like stand you up, or like don't ever text you back or something like that. I'm talking about friends who influence you to bad things instead of good things, who are going the wrong way and want you to come with them.

1:55And I don't mean just starting fires and shoplifting, not that I'm speaking from experience or anything, but bad friends also have no compassion. Some of the bad friends that I had were just mean. They're mean kids. They're mean to me. We were mean to each other. It just was constantly meanness.

2:24Bad friends are friends that have no ambition. They just don't want to do anything, and you don't feel like doing anything when you're with them. Bad friends have no love for God, and they pull down and subtract from your love for God. I had friends like that. God was good to bring me out of that group against my will, I might add. That's why I was eating by myself in the lunchroom or sneaking out so I wouldn't have to suffer the indignity of sitting in the lunchroom at a table by myself.

2:59But in time, God brought me some new friends, and season after season after season of life, the quality of my friends has improved, and there have been tremendous blessings that God has given me through great friends that I look up to. Later in life, I started to seek them out. A good friend is loyal, but more than just loyalty. A good friend is kind, and a good friend is safe, and a good friend is also inspiring.

3:41They encourage you to be the best version of yourself. A good friend helps you understand and see what is good and true and beautiful and godly, and they motivate you to go after those things.

4:02These kinds of friends help you run the race of this life with purpose. And in my experience, these kind of friends are also more fun. You have more fun when you feel like you can be yourself and someone's not about to be cruel to you. You have more fun, actually, when you are doing good than you are doing ill and doing wrong.

4:31So last week in Proverbs 7, why am I talking about all this? Last week in Proverbs 7, we read that we should make wisdom our intimate friends. That's what Proverbs 7 said. We should make wisdom our intimate friends. This chapter tells us why. Let's read Proverbs 8 and see the virtues and the blessings of wisdom and rush to make her our friend. If you can read the print in the bulletin. It's small, but it will be up on the screen. If you can't read it, get your reading glasses out.

5:06We're going to read Proverbs 8, all of it together. And we're going to hear wisdom calling to us. Proverbs 7 was one voice in our ear. And Proverbs 8 is a whole nother voice. So turn with me to Proverbs 8. Let's sit before the Word of God.

5:26Let's receive God Himself speaking to us with His wisdom, with His authority, with His desire to bless us. Does not wisdom call? Does not understanding raise your voice? On the heights beside the way, at the crossroads she takes her stand. Beside the gates in front of the town, at the entrance of the portal she cries aloud. To you, O men, I call. And my call is to the children of man. O simple ones, learn prudence. O fools, learn sense. Hear, for I will speak noble things.

6:02From my lips will come what is right. For my mouth will utter truth. Wickedness is an abomination to my lips. All the words of my mouth are righteous. There is nothing twisted or crooked in them. They are all straight to him who understands and right to those who find knowledge. Take my instruction instead of silver and knowledge rather than choice gold. For wisdom is better than jewels and all that you may desire cannot compare with her. I, wisdom, dwell with prudence and I find knowledge and discretion.

6:37The fear of the Lord is hatred of evil, pride and arrogance in the way of evil and perverted speech I hate. I have counsel and sound wisdom. I have insight. I have strength. By me, kings reign and rulers decree what is just. By me, princes rule and nobles, all who govern justly. I love those who love me and those who seek me diligently find me. Riches and honor are with me, enduring wealth and righteousness. My fruit is better than gold, even fine gold.

7:12And my yield than choice silver. I walk in the way of righteousness in the paths of justice, granting an inheritance to those who love me and filling their treasuries. The Lord possessed me at the beginning of his work, the first of his acts of old. Ages ago, I was set up at the first before the beginning of the earth. When there was no depths, I was brought forth. When there were no springs abounding with water. Before the mountains had been shaped, before the hills, I was brought forth.

7:45Before he had made the earth with its fields or the first of the dust of the world. When he established the heavens, I was there. When he drew a circle on the face of the deep. When he made firm the skies above. When he established the fountains of the deep. When he assigned the sea to its limit. So that the waters might not transgress his command. When he marked out the foundations of the earth. Then I was beside him. Like a master workman. And I was daily his delight, rejoicing before him always.

8:18Rejoicing in his inhabited world. And delighting in the children of man. And now, O sons, listen to me. Blessed are those who keep my ways. Hear instruction and be wise. And do not neglect it. Blessed is the one who listens to me. Watching daily at my gates. Waiting beside my doors. For whoever finds me, finds life. And obtains favor from the Lord. But he who fails to find me, injures himself. All who hate me, love death. Pray with me.

9:00Lord Jesus, you know how transfixed and drawn we are to what the world tells us. And what our hearts tell us. The false places to find life. The false places to look for insight. And to look for help. We grasp at those things constantly, Lord. But I pray that you would beckon us. Get our attention. Speak to us with your wisdom. And show us that what you offer us is better. Lord, that those other things that we chase after are nothing. And you give us everything.

9:37So I pray that wisdom would be just winsome to us. Convincing us. Overcoming our doubts. Our hesitations. That you would help us, Lord. To come near to you. To seek you eagerly. For Lord, you are seeking us. You are here to meet with us. To bless us. Help us receive from you. In Jesus' name we pray.

10:04Be wise about friendship. There is someone great that is calling out to us. It is a winsome, elegant, honorable woman. She is raising her voice to us. Church teachers through the years have called this person in this passage of Proverbs and other passages, Lady Wisdom. Now, she is not an actual person. She is not an actual woman. She is not some kind of angel or a goddess that is like sitting alongside God. This is a literary device. This is a personification of an attribute of God.

10:47Just like the forbidden woman in the last few chapters personified sexual sin, this woman in Proverbs 8 personifies God's wisdom. But we are going to embrace the literary device. Of this inspired author of scripture. Because it is good for us. We learn that way. It helps us. And here, this lady, Lady Wisdom, is asking us, Do you want to be my friend? Don't you miss the old days of elementary school when it was really easy to make friends? You like cherry fruit roll-ups?

11:22I like cherry fruit roll-ups. Let's be friends. Getting friends gets a little bit more complicated as life goes on. I don't know when the last time it has been as an adult that someone walked up to me and said, I'd like to be your friend. Let's be friends. I'd probably be like, what are you after? What are you trying to get from me? But listen, Lady Wisdom here is the giver. There is grace painted, saturated all over this passage. Lady Wisdom is not saying, do you want to be my friend?

12:00Because she's desperate, lonely. She is the giver and we are the receiver. It's actually the opposite. She has all kinds of blessings to give us if we would invite her in and make her a close confidant, an intimate friend. She is so generous to us. There's three things here. Three ways that she sums up her generosity. The blessings, the virtues of knowing her. It almost looks like she's boasting in herself. But what she's doing is she's telling you, this is all I can offer you.

12:36Look at all of the things I can offer you when I am your friend. When you listen to me. Here's the first one. I will tell you the truth. I will tell you the truth. One thing you can say about this woman, she is not bashful. She is not playing hide and seek. She is up on the heights, on the wall. In the ancient Near East, cities would have walls around them. They would have a platform up top that you could walk along. From there, you could look down at all the people in the city, walking around.

13:13You could get their attention. You could shout at them. And that is what Lady Wisdom is doing. She's shouting. Finding wisdom is not an Easter egg hunt, okay? If you think that it's that way and it's been that way for you, there's probably something that you need to change about your approach. It's not an Easter egg hunt. Wisdom is right there. It's like one of those Easter egg hunts for little kids where you put the egg right in the middle of the grass.

13:42And it's shiny. You just need to stop and listen. Lady Wisdom here is speaking for ordinary life. She speaks beside the gates at the entrance of the portals. These are places of business, of commerce. These are social spaces. These are places where people catch up and make plans. She's not going to just the university. She's not just going to the boardroom, the penthouse. She is in ordinary life. Your ordinary life she is speaking to. And she is offering wisdom for ordinary people.

14:20To you, O men, I call. To the children of men. She's not just after the elites, the upper echelon in society, the movers and shakers. She's got something for everyone. Everyone in this room. Everyone out there in Chester. Everyone in your classrooms, students. Everyone in your homes, parents. Everyone in your places of business. Everyone in your apartment buildings. Everyone in your neighborhood. She has something for ordinary people like you and like me.

14:55And it's not just ordinary people who haven't messed up too bad. Look at who she calls to. O simple ones. O fools. She calls out those who have messed up badly. Who have been foolish. If you've been foolish, don't count yourself out. Wisdom is calling out to you. Lady Wisdom is coming to you too and saying, Hey, it's not too late. I can be your friend.

15:27At the crossroads, she takes her stand. At the crucial decision points of your life. I don't know why you're laughing, but I'm going to find out later. At the crucial decision points of your life, Lady Wisdom is there asking for an audience. The crossroads. That's where it goes left or it goes right. Which way are you going to go? There, Lady Wisdom takes her stand. She is offering herself to you. Do you have something? Some decision in your life?

16:00That you're keeping to yourself? She is knocking on your door, friends, right now saying, Talk to me about it. Consult with me. Listen to me. About this big thing in your life. Or maybe it's a small thing. Whatever decision you're about to make in your life, Lady Wisdom wants to talk with you. About it. Don't hold it back. And why should we listen? Because from her lips will come what is right. Lady Wisdom speaks faultless, pure truth. She never speaks falsely.

16:35She's not even able to speak falsely. All the words of my mouth are righteous. There is nothing twisted or crooked in them. Unlike people, with her, there are no little white lies. There's no misinformation. There's no deceit. There's no spin. There's no cowardice. There's no people pleasing. There's no saying one thing but meaning another.

17:04Wickedness is an abomination to my lips. I cannot tell a lie, she says, and her fingers aren't crossed. When Lady Wisdom speaks, we can always rely on it. Isn't this appealing to you? I hope it is. Our world is full of lies. Sometimes on YouTube, on Facebook, on other social media, there might be a box below whatever content you're watching. A little box. And it's saying like, here's the misinformation that might be present. Anybody ever seen this?

17:43It's like trying to correct what you're watching. Right? After every political speech, after every debate, there are supposed fact-checkers that get on the airwaves. Let me fact-check everything that he or she just said. Right? And then we learn that the people running social media and the fact-checkers, they have their own agenda. They have their own bias. So now we have to fact-check the fact-checkers. And we just go round and round in circles.

18:12It is exhausting, isn't it, to try to decipher truth among all of the voices speaking to us. In a world of unreliability, Lady Wisdom is the friend, maybe the only friend in your life, who will always utter truth.

18:32But be careful. She tells the truth about everything. Not just about the world, but about you. About your life. About the things that you're doing. About the ways that you spend your time and your money.

18:56About what God requires of you. We say, Lady Wisdom, I want the truth. And she says, can you handle the truth? Are you sure? Sometimes we don't understand what she says. And sometimes we understand and we just don't like it.

19:19She is not a people pleaser. And that means she's not trying to please you. She's no yes man. She is not there to flatter you. Listen, would you rather be surrounded? Be honest. Would you rather be surrounded by people who tell you what you want to hear? Or would you rather be surrounded by people who always tell you the truth?

19:48That's a hard question. You know, sometimes I think one of our biggest problems in life is that we have almost exclusively surrounded ourselves with people who tell us what we want to hear. Physically and online. I've heard and I've watched a lot of interviews with people who have gotten famous for one reason or another. Sports or in film or something like that. Musician. And a lot of times I will hear them talk about how they brought along with them their kind of OG crew, their original posse.

20:28Like their friends from high school, they're still their friends when they're famous, right? Like, some of those people end up in really bad places. And some of those people end up remarkably grounded, considering that they're world famous. Do you know what I've picked up on the differences? Whether or not their friends tell them what they want to hear or are honest with them. I've heard interview after interview where the famous person is like, people in my life told me, hey man, you're getting a big head.

21:03Watch it. You're changing. Don't change. The people who surrounded themselves with people who spoke harsh truths that they needed to hear, a lot of those people stayed grounded when they went through the strange, probably strange experience of getting very, very famous. The difference is not whether or not you keep around your old friends. It's what are your old friends saying to you? Are they speaking truth? Or are they just flattering you? Lady Wisdom is a good friend because she is honest with us.

21:35You need honesty. In fact, the very first truth that Lady Wisdom reveals is about us, is about you. Our response to her from the very beginning exposes the state of our heart. When she calls, do we respond with humble reflection, aloof indifference, arrogant rejection?

22:04Will you receive her truthfulness as a gift, even when she says something that you don't understand or don't like? Proverbs 12, 15 says, The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. Proverbs 27, When faithful are the wounds of a friend, profuse are the kisses of an enemy.

22:35And when Lady Wisdom speaks, we've got to give her time. Her words are all straight to him who understands. What she speaks must be wrestled with, puzzled over, unpacked, examined, practiced. Not to try to find the flaw in it, so we can say, aha, this is why I don't have to listen. Right? But to understand it and embrace it. To say, I know there is truth coming at me right now, and I either don't understand it or don't like it. But I'm going to keep turning this thing over, because I know that you never lie.

23:14The more you do that, the more that you want it instead of money. It is better than money. Better than gold. Better than jewels, the passage says. Here's the second thing that she says to us. She says, I will give you strength. One mistake we make is assuming that wisdom is just about talking and thinking. Wisdom is planning and doing. Wisdom is getting things done. I, wisdom, dwell with prudence. Prudence means here, shrewdness. Cunning. She says, I find knowledge and discretion, and discretion is the ability to plan something out.

24:03Wisdom is the friend who says, hey, you know what? Let's build something together. I'm tired of sitting around. Let's go do something. Let's make something happen. We all need friends like that, right? To get out of our heads. To get off of our phones. We need a friend that's like, let's go out there and do something. And these plans are for good. There's an ethic here. The fear of the Lord is the hatred of evil. There are some things that lady wisdom just cannot stand, just won't tolerate.

24:38Pride and arrogance. This is what mistreats people. Perverted speech. This is what manipulates and deceives them. You know the drill. Sometimes ambitious people are cruel. And meanwhile, there are very kind people who get nothing done. Lady wisdom says you don't have to choose. You can be effective and kind. You can be both. But only through me. Years ago, Nikki and I, at another church, we had a group of friends. It was really a small group. And somebody in that group heard about this opportunity to sponsor together and partner together with a refugee family coming from Myanmar.

25:29And we were like, okay, let's do that. So that was about a year, year and a half, you know, maybe longer, two years of partnering with them, helping them get acclimated to life here. It wasn't my idea. It wasn't Nikki's idea. It was somebody else in the group that was like, guys, let's do this. And we said, okay. And that same group of friends one time and another one of them, the summer came and was like, I want to do a backyard Bible club for the kids in my neighborhood.

25:58But I need some help. Do you guys want to help me do this? And we said, sure. Neither one of those were church ministries. They didn't come from some pastor or some leader saying, here's what I wanted people to do. They bubbled up from the ground, from friends saying, you know what, let's do this. Here's an opportunity to do something good, to serve together. Let's do this together. It took prudence and it took discretion and a desire for impact and it took all of us.

26:25We get swept up into action when we bring Lady Wisdom into our inner circle, make her our intimate friend. Because Lady Wisdom is a doer. She's not just going to sit around and talk all day. She wants to get something done.

26:47And she's not just there to give you life hacks, to make your life just a little bit easier than it was yesterday. She's coming to give you big health and real power. Look at this. Verse 14. You can look at it in your bulletin, but here's another translation of verse 14.

27:06Counsel and resourcefulness belong to me. I am insight. Heroic strength is mine. I like that translation a lot. Lady Wisdom says, counsel and resourcefulness belong to me. The I am insight. Heroic strength is mine. If you're the kind of person who likes to get things done, then you need Lady Wisdom as your friend. If you're the kind of person that struggles to get things done, then you need Lady Wisdom as your friend.

27:40These are mighty qualities that propel groups and organizations and companies and churches and even kingdoms. Lady Wisdom is the means by which kings reign and princes rule. And yet, because of the ethical component, they decree what is just. They govern justly. And isn't this another piece of good news in a world where power is abused right and left? Some say the answer for abuse of power is to give it to the marginalized. But what happens in history when that happens, when that's the solution to oppression is to just give it to the marginalized?

28:24The marginalized become the next oppressor group. And it happens over and over. The only way to have power without tyranny is Lady Wisdom. The only way to make her your close friend. But I want to zoom in right here because this is the point where you might be thinking, Look, Pastor, that's nice and all, but I'm not ruling any kingdom. I'm not a king. I'm not a queen. I don't rule anything. But you are called to rule over at least yourself. If you have no other kingdom, at least you are called to rule over yourself.

29:08Proverbs 16.32 says, Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty. And he who rules his spirit is than he who takes the city. Do you see that word? Rules his spirit. Self-control is perhaps the most important life skill.

29:28You've got to have it to hold down a job, to learn a new skill, to keep a marriage together, to keep free of addiction, to pursue any good thing. You have got to have self-control.

29:43And the only way to get it is to consult with Lady Wisdom. And even better than just plain old self-control, this is self-control without self-indulgence.

30:00You become a ruler who governs himself justly. And she, Lady Wisdom, is not playing hard to get. She isn't screening people out based on their looks, based on their ability, based on their bank account. The only thing she asks is that you love her. That's it. I love those who love me. That's all she wants. Fear of rejection keeps many people from doing many, many good things, right? It kept me from trying out for teams, for applying for jobs, from asking out girls.

30:44Lady Wisdom will not reject you. She won't reject you. Think of what you would do if you had no fear of rejection. Better yet, look at Lady Wisdom and realize that she will never reject you. All she asks is that you diligently seek her. Those who diligently seek me find me, she says. That's a promise. And her fruit is better than gold. Go and ask for it. She will befriend you and you will become, despite yourself, you will become self-controlled, you will become wise, effective.

31:28Here's one last thing that Lady Wisdom offers us. I will always be relevant. A lot of parents in this room have probably gotten a look at some point, especially if your kids are in their teens, where you can see the look on their face. You know that in their eyes you are irrelevant. Oh, they will find out someday that that's not true. But even more relevant than parents have wisdom, Lady Wisdom has an ongoing, consistent relevance. Friendships are sometimes formed with a shared experience, a shared experience, a shared season, a shared place.

32:17But you know how it goes. Not all friendships survive when the experience changes, when the season changes, when the place changes. When those things change, sometimes friendships end through no fault or intention of the people involved. But close friends find something that transcends those temporary circumstances to build their friendship on. And Lady Wisdom is saying she can be that kind of friend. Why? Because she has deep and ancient roots. The Lord possessed me at the beginning of His work.

32:56When there were no depths, I was brought forth. God's wisdom, it's not external to Him. He did not walk across the universe and find it sitting there. Oh, this is going to be great to help me build the world. It is one of His attributes. It comes from His essential being. It's like a child, metaphorically speaking, that was brought forth from Him. And then during creation, God puts Lady Wisdom to work as both a witness and a partner. I was beside Him, she says.

33:30And all of this gives her this immense insight into the world, into reality. When she speaks, we ought to be quiet and listen. When I was at VCU, I got to take a class. The title of it was something like, Blues Guitar. And it was like a two-credit class. And here's why it came about. The arts department, they were doing a production of some play. And there was a character in a play that was like an old blues guitarist. So they went out and they found a blues guitarist.

34:05And they asked him to be in their play. And while he was on campus, somebody else arranged for him to teach a class. So it was me and like four other people sitting with our acoustic guitars with this guy who was in his 70s. This Mississippi Delta blues player, right? And he would teach us his songs. And he would tell us stories. Now, when he told a story about the blues, he had lived it. He had had a hard life. Now, you know, when John Mayer plays the blues, he learned it from somebody.

34:45He opened up a book. He saw a YouTube video or he sat down with somebody else and he appropriated the blues. This guy, John Jackson, that I sat down with, we listened to him because he was the blues. He lived it. Nobody had to teach him something about it or explain it to him. He was it. And that's what we are connected with when we talk to Lady Wisdom. She didn't learn about the universe by a book. She saw the scaffolding go up. She was part of the whole endeavor to build reality, to make it happen.

35:25She saw the world take shape. So she can handle your deep questions about life. What is life all about? Who am I? Where do I find my identity, my purpose?

35:43When you ask her, she doesn't go to a book. She doesn't go to AI. Let me get an answer for you and then bring it back to you. She's the original. She's connected with the original source. As an attribute of God, personified, she is the original source. And she is relevant all the time. In all seasons, in every generation, she doesn't get outdated or obsolete. You can't say that about anything else. There is a long list of things that we once believed that the science has settled.

36:22And then we later debunked it. The earth is the center of the universe. Everything in the universe is made out of four elements. Earth, wind, fire, and water. Space is filled with this invisible substance called ether. And that's what light travels through. Debunk, debunk, debunk. In medicine, there's probably an even longer list. This bloodletting used to be a trusted treatment for disease. You were sick, better get some blood out of your system.

37:01More recently, lobotomies were Nobel-winning science. Doctors once recommended smoking. When my brother was born, breastfeeding was discouraged. He was formula fed. You don't want, no, formula, that's the way to go. By the time I was born, science had changed again. My mother breastfed me. The current thinking had changed. Just between he and I. In the 60s and the 70s, people said, experts, so-called experts, said that population growth would mean that the world would run out of food.

37:41Well, it turns out we learned how to make more food. The greatest climate catastrophe in the 70s was this thing called global cooling. You can look up articles about the coming icebergs that were going to destroy cities.

38:00Science just gets overturned, overturned, overturned, overturned. But, you know, Lady Wisdom doesn't use a scientific method to get her truth. She doesn't have to observe and deduce and fit data into a theory. She just tells you what it is because she knows reality at the most fundamental level. Why would you hold anything back from her counsel? She saw reality become real. She's not offering you faddish, outdated, outmoded, lowercase t truth. She's offering you big, eternal, capital T truth.

38:43You know, some people are immediately suspicious of new ideas. Some people are quick to reject old ideas. Now, if you find yourself in one of those camps, just give it time. Maybe you'll change. Whether you immediately reject something new, ah, that can't be true. Or you immediately are ready to cast off something that's old. Listen, what we should do, rather than have these knee-jerk reactions to old ideas, new ideas, evaluate everything, whether it's old or new, against the measuring stick of Lady Wisdom and her truth.

39:28Whether it's new or old. Some new ideas are great when they accord with the truth that God offers. And some old ideas might be really old, but they're really bad because they do not accord with the truth of God.

39:49She's never obsolete. This is the kind of stability that we need in our lives. It's like what Psalm 1-3 talks about. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither. And all that He does, He prospers. Now, these three things, let's conclude by applying them to the ministry of Jesus. Jesus is not Lady Wisdom. He's better than Lady Wisdom. Lady Wisdom is a character. It's a way to depict the wisdom of God.

40:25Jesus is real. Jesus is God's Son, the second Person of the Trinity. And when He took on flesh and came to the earth in His ministry, we see in Him the ultimate embodiment of what Lady Wisdom's virtues show us. He spoke and He acted in truth. Total truth. Whether it ruffled feathers or whether it patted someone on the back, He spoke truth at all times. All of His words were reliable. Jesus was powerful and effective and yet He was just and He was kind.

41:07He walked in the way of righteousness, in the paths of justice. He came knowing the eternal plan of salvation. He was part of forming the eternal plan of salvation. And He accomplished it through His death in the place of sinners and His victory over death in His resurrection. Those who seek Him diligently will find Him, will find life, and will find wisdom. He delivers on all of the promises of Proverbs 8. He grants an inheritance to those who seek Him diligently and those who love Him.

41:48And that inheritance is eternal life. Blessed is the one who listens to Him. And whoever finds Him, finds life.